Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

April 2013

There comes a time in some relationships where it just ain’t working. Oftentimes I see people hanging on for dear life to NOTHING. I really don’t understand the point of this. From my observation over the past few months, and just talking to several people from all over, the top excuses to hand in a horrible relationship are:

Scared to Be Alone

People are so desperate not to be alone that they are willing to deal with their mate’s bull crap or just a loveless relationship. We see this happening a lot. You can, without a doubt, notice that a man or woman is truly unhappy in their relationship. They are either always arguing with each other, never home, sleep in separate rooms, accepting in delities, etc. They are obviously unhappy. Why do they stick around, you ask? Because they gure it’s better than being out in the world alone. Now I must admit, it’s hard out here for a single woman (men it’s hard for you too), but over the past few years I’ve embraced being single. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my worth. I refuse to “settle” just to have someone around; the experts call it self love. If you don’t love yourself and don’t want to be alone with YOU, why should anyone else want to?

For the Kids

Now this one is tough, As a single mother, I can honestly understand the sacri- ce that we make for our babies. It was never my intention to be a single mother. Growing up I dreamed of marriage and the 2-parent family lifestyle; it just hasn’t happened YET!! Sometimes two people can create the most amazing child ever and that was truly their purpose, not to be together in a loveless relationship that the children can and will one day notice. In the long run it can do more damage for the child than help. If you two aren’t really into each other or are always ghting and the children pick up on that, what type of relationships will they nd themselves in as adults? Lead by example. Show them that you can get along as friends and be great parents; you don’t have to be together.

Not Paying Child Support

I had a conversation with a young lady who is basically dating a man with a “situ- ation” (it’s funny how we now can call a relationship a “situation”; that’s never a good thing). She’s holding on to the hope that one day he’ll leave because he states that he’s only sticking around so she doesn’t put in on child support. That is sad. No man or woman should ever stay with someone to avoid hav- ing to nancially contribute to their child’s life. This is where we have to put on our GROWN UP hats and handle our business. No one likes to see money snatched out or their checks but it’s going to your child’s household, so just suck it up and get you a legal side hustle (ON THE SIDE) to make up for that money. And ladies, we are not stupid. If he’s not into you, you know it, so stop hanging on thinking that the kids can change his mind. You can’t make someone love you and want to be with you. Let it go! Be great parents, but let it go.

Splitting Bills

Depending on the longevity of your relationship, you could possibly have been together long enough where you are living together, splitting bills, have a joint bank account, etc. Breaking up can really throw that into hardship, especially with the economy being the way it is. You need to start planning and communi- cate. If it ain’t working out, accept it and set deadlines. Depending on if you are renting or owning, make decisions. For those renting, depending on the lease, that can be your deadline to get your own space. Start saving our money (less going out and fast food dinners); start seriously looking for your own place that agrees with your income alone. Stop stalling! Sticking around just because of nancial ties is a waste of time and energy.

I understand not wanting to let go of a relationship, especially when you’ve in- vested time and energy, you share children, and money is involved. but sticking around some place you really don’t want to be is not only bad, but it’s a waste of time. Your perfect person might be right around the corner and you can miss that opportunity sticking with “dead weight.” Let it go people. Let it go.