Closure Is a Myth—You Don’t Need It to Move On

I’ve been guilty of it myself—holding on to this invisible need for closure.

That final conversation. That last explanation. That deep, emotional sit-down where we hash it out, come to a mutual understanding, and suddenly, magically, I feel better.

But let me tell you something I’ve learned:

That conversation doesn’t change anything.

It doesn’t erase the hurt. It doesn’t undo what happened. And most of the time? It still leaves you feeling empty.

We tell ourselves we need closure, but what we’re really seeking is a way to make the pain disappear. And no conversation—no explanation—can truly do that.

People Think Closure Comes From the Other Person—It Doesn’t

People convince themselves that they need to hear the “why” before they can move on.

• Why did you hurt me?

• Why did you choose them over me?

• Why did you stop being my friend?

• Why didn’t you value me?

  
  

We think if we just get an answer, then we can finally be at peace.

But let me ask you something:

What does knowing “why” actually change?

If someone tells you:

➡️ “I cheated because it was fun and something new.”

➡️ “I left because I fell out of love with you.”

➡️ “I ghosted you because I didn’t respect the friendship enough to communicate.”

Does that explanation take away the betrayal? Does it make the pain disappear?

No. It still happened. It still hurt. And now you just have more words to process while you’re still trying to heal.

Closure is not a band-aid. It’s not a painkiller. It’s not a magic fix.

And a lot of times? People don’t actually want closure—they want an excuse to stay.

The Illusion of Closure in Romantic Relationships

Let’s talk about one of the biggest areas where people chase closure—romantic relationships.

Let’s say there’s a serial cheater in a relationship. Maybe it’s a man. Maybe it’s a woman. Either way, one person is being played over and over again.

They get cheated on repeatedly, but they keep taking the person back.

Then, finally—the relationship ends. The cheater moves on… maybe even with the person they were cheating with. And now, the one who was cheated on is left hurt, confused, and full of questions.

• Why did they do this to me?

• Did I ever really mean anything to them?

• Were they cheating the whole time?

  
  

And so, they seek closure.

But again—what will that conversation change?

If they say “I cheated just because I felt like it,” does that make the betrayal hurt any less? If they say “I fell in love with someone else; I’m sorry,” does that undo all the pain?

No. It doesn’t heal the wound—it just keeps you stuck in it.

And let’s be real: sometimes, people aren’t actually looking for closure.

They’re looking for a reason to keep holding on.

They don’t want the relationship to be over. They don’t want to accept that it’s really done. So instead, they tell themselves they “need closure” when really? They want an excuse to stay.

The Same Goes for Friendships, Family, and Business Relationships

This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships. People chase closure in friendships, family relationships, and even professional settings.

• A friend switches up on you, stops answering your calls, and suddenly acts different.

• A family member betrays you, and you want to understand why they did it.

• A business partner or coworker backstabs you, and you want to know what you did to deserve it.

  
  

So you think: If I could just talk to them one more time, I’d feel better.

But would you?

If someone doesn’t value your friendship, your love, or your loyalty, what difference does it make if they explain themselves?

They showed you who they are.

You don’t need closure from them. You don’t need their validation. You don’t need their permission to move forward.

You just need to accept the reality of what happened and decide that YOU are done.

The Real Closure? Deciding You’re Done.

I’ve had moments where I got the closure I thought I wanted. I had the conversation. I got the answers.

And guess what? It still sucked.

It didn’t magically fix anything. It didn’t heal my heart overnight. It didn’t change the fact that the relationship—whatever kind it was—was already over.

Because the real closure isn’t something someone else gives you.

It’s something you give yourself.

It’s waking up and saying:

✔️ I don’t need to hear “I’m sorry” to move on.

✔️ I don’t need to understand why they did what they did to know I deserve better.

✔️ I don’t need to keep replaying what happened to find peace.

Because closure isn’t a conversation—it’s a decision.

Final Thought: Closure Comes From Within

So if you’re sitting here waiting for someone to give you the closure you think you need, ask yourself this:

🔹 If they gave you all the answers today, would it really change how you feel?

🔹 If they told you the truth, would it undo what they did?

🔹 If you never get the conversation—does that mean you can never heal?

No.

Because at the end of the day? The real closure is knowing you can move on—without them, without a conversation, and without permission.

Have you ever had to give yourself closure instead of waiting for it? How did you do it?